You heard whispers,
of a promised land
Tales of opportunity
to let your dreams expand
Money to be made,
food to be fed
Space to grow a family,
each kid its own bed
Your friends also heard
of the land of the free
So you all ventured off
keeping each other company
You showed up empty-handed
you were lent a few dollars
But quickly realized
what it meant to be blue-collared
You arrived in the summer
and they showed you estates
Feeding you the hope
of living behind community gates
Winter came quickly,
your bones chilling cold
All the money you earned
turned out to be fool’s gold
You built homes
with shivering hands
You would do whatever it took
to live out your plans
You brought a wife
and three sons
Leaving their home
and all their loved ones
I was born
and then my brother
With parents always working
we raised one another
At first, there were friends
a real sense of comradery
Over time
became a rare commodity
Life in the west
was no joke
The pressure of survival
better not choke
This survival
it took its toll
With no time to rest,
to nourish the soul
I commend you
and all that you endured
But I can't help but feel
the dream was obscured
The very land
you traded your life for
Started to weigh on me
left me wanting more
What is wrong
with children sharing a bed?
A small cozy home,
with homemade bread?
Less money in the bank,
more time on the clock
Perhaps a house on the sea,
maybe a boat on the dock
I wanted to feel my roots
and meet all of the people you left
A life that existed before me
felt like theft
So I took my family,
just like you took yours
And moved across the globe
to discover distant shores
The term “motherland”
finally made sense
Like a mother’s embrace
a peace so immense
I often wonder
did you take offense
that I took a U-turn
where you jumped the fence?
Your sweat and tears
were not shed without cause
They set me free
living without clenched jaws
The clean air,
the shining sun
The deep blue sea to jump in
when your day is done
It’s the homemade wine
and family meals
The garden soil
digging in your heals
It’s the aunts, uncles and cousins
I never got to meet
It’s the friendly neighbors
waving in the street
Croatia is my dream
and I intend to live it out
But I will always carry
a small amount of doubt
Maybe one day
my children will feel the same
That I took away a life
that was theirs to claim
Fickle is life
and how our stories unfold
No way of knowing
what our futures behold
But I thank you
for showing me
The courage it takes
to follow your destiny
Where you left off
I will carry on
Until we meet again
and admire our lives forgone.
R.I.P. Tata
This poem is written to my late father Branko Hrkac. I remember the mixed emotions that crossed my parents' faces when I told them of my plans to move to Croatia. I am sure there were some feelings of frustration because of the sacrifices they made to come to and provide us with a prosperous life in Canada. I wonder if they thought, we shed blood, sweat and tears to come here for a better life, and now our daughter is returning to where we left behind. I never wanted them to feel like all their efforts were for nothing, in fact, they set me up with the toolset to be able to make a courageous move.
As I was justifying my decision to my parents and explaining to them what it is we are in search of and the type of lifestyle we are after, it was as though I was reminding my father of his previous life and how distant it felt to him at that moment. My father took a deep drag of his cigarette, exhaled, and told me "If I could have afforded tickets for the 7 of us to return back then, I would taken us all back a long time ago", I knew in that moment that although my decision was a big pill to swallow, my feelings were understood.
I sometimes think about how it would feel if my own children approached me in adulthood and told me they wanted to move back to Canada. I think as parents we make the decision we think is best for our children, but the day eventually comes when we need to pass on the torch and empower them in their own decisions and journeys. I hope that they appreciate our sacrifices, as I appreciate the ones made by my parents before me. I hope that in sharing our story with our children they will have the courage to pursue their dreams in their lives also and to never look back.
